I'll be your enigma. (:

The smile falters too.

2009-11-06T03:48:21Z

"You look at me and smile so bright but when I read what you write I see tears of sorrow."
So what?
So damn what?

Home run.

2009-11-05T11:00:02Z

Maybe it’s true what they say - there are some people you encounter in life whom you never really get over. No matter how many other better people you meet; people who treat you better and love you better, in the back of your mind there is always that one person whom you can’t quite completely forget. They say loving you is my biggest mistake, but how can it be so wrong if it feels so right? If I ever made a mistake, it's not that I love you, but it’s thinking that you loved me once. There's a difference between letting go and pretending you've forgotten.

Out loud.

2009-11-05T00:51:53Z

You block certain emotions, certain feelings so you don't feel anything.
Then a song or a memory triggers the thing you've been trying so hard to hide and avoid.
And then every once in awhile reality hits hard.
I sit and think about him and all I lost.
That's when it gets harder to smile.
Even when you grit your teeth and you look up and force yourself to smile.
You become good at masking your feelings.
So good sometimes you don't recognize the girl in the mirror.
I miss the blue skies of the South.
The rain seems so sad today.
Or maybe it's just me whose feeling blue today.

Dreams of you.

2009-11-04T07:18:45Z

Nature has it's way of cheering you up.

3am.

2009-11-02T19:01:32Z

"Every girl has that one boy, that they’ll never get over. That one guy who makes you laugh all the time. The one who gives you butterflies just when someone mentions his name. That one who remembers all the stupid things you say and reminds you about it months from now. The one who has his name written all over your heart. The one whom you compare to everyone. The one you never get sick of talking or hearing about. The one you cry over and over about. The one everyone thinks you can do better than. The one you ask why her and not me. The one when you first saw him you knew you loved him. The one that in some way ends up not being yours."

Be brave.

2009-11-01T15:06:30Z

I've got to be brave I know.
Even when it's hard sometimes.
I'm glad he's happy now, even if he smiles for her.
I'm thankful I'm still alive.
I'm gonna stay alone for awhile and bask in this.
I'm gonna walk on alone and wait for the tide to come in.
Wait for the waves to settle.

You crossed my mind today.

2009-11-01T08:43:29Z

Letting you go wasn't my choice, it was something I had to do for your happiness.
Because you wanted it.
I would have stayed and fought on.
I didn't get to say goodbye properly.
You've been gone for so long, I only have myself to fight.
Fighting myself gets tough some days.

Near death experience.

2009-10-30T20:04:46Z

It's been awhile but I thought about him today. He's been gone for more than 2 years now. But strangely I've never deleted his msn. I see his name there still but I know he'll never come online again. I remain guilty for not having seen him one last time. You can't blame yourself for not having seen the signs but you can blame yourself for not having put in the effort when you could have. When you had the power to do one nice thing to have made a difference. How many times have you put off meeting someone just because you thought you had forever to meet them. Just because you were too busy, too preoccupied or just too self centered to care. Some other time we always tell ourselves. But sometimes, you don't get that some other time. Maybe that time would be the last time you ever hear from them. I spent the day with an old friend and we talked about the past. Where do I see myself in 10 years time, that was the question. I don't know honestly. But I know that after what happened last night, I woke up. It was the wake up call I needed. If there were things to do that I should have done long ago I think I would do them now. I tell my family more often that I love them. I meet my friends more if I can spare the time. Hell, I give love another chance if I think it deserves it. But that's the thing, we tend to take things for granted till we lose it. And I don't want to lose that. I don't want to be gone one day and the last thought I had was "what if". Because the last thought I had last night was wondering where he was and the last emotion I felt was fear, gut wrenching fear. It's time to smell the roses and see the sun shine and the blue skies and smile.

This is it.

2009-10-29T20:50:00Z

She never got a chance to fall out of love, to do it properly, slowly and thoroughly, and the result was he was like a phantom limb. Gone but still there. And like a true phantom limb, the preponderance of feelings associated with him were painful. -Sarah Dunn

Solo game.

2009-10-29T07:13:20Z

Being lonely isn't the worst feeling in the world. It's being forgotten by someone you can never forget.

goodbye now.

2009-10-29T00:58:28Z

stranger,
she holds your heart now.
i hold your ghost of past.
me.

wallpaper.

2009-10-25T10:11:10Z

boy,
i'm standing here, watching you walk away.
girl.

For happier times you say.

2009-10-23T12:31:11Z

You gotta give time some time babe.
How do you say goodbye to something you can't see touch or feel anymore?
How do you say goodbye as you clutch at empty air?
When your reality and dreams are both so hard to keep up with.
Someone dial 911 please.

Letters to no one.

2009-10-21T04:47:20Z

You,
If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
Me.

Bear it all won't you.

2009-10-21T02:56:32Z

Afterall, I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.
-Notting Hill

This pain.

2009-10-18T02:35:19Z

What am I supposed to do when the best part' of me was loving you?
What am I supposed to do when you were all I wanted.?
What am I supposed to do now?

Spellbound.

2009-10-11T23:43:00Z

I envy people who can fall in love easily and fall out of love easily.
Nothing gets them down, nothing.

Tokyo Blues.

2009-10-10T17:21:20Z

"What do you want for your birthday this year?"
It's still a little early right?
Honestly though, I want to run away again.
I want to go travelling alone again.
I want to find myself before I enter adulthood so to speak. HAH!
OMG I'm getting OLD now.
On an entirely superficial note because some people might wanna get me some material goods just because you love me as the emo friend.
I would appreciate a BB please I want one, a board, I really want a spanking brand new open toe-d board please please please any nice people around if you are nice you throw in a new lifevest as well PLEASE, the Chanel CC ear rings, a Burberry bag hmm maybe I don't know, the entire collection of Murakami books, a pair of oakley's I really want one, a year's supply of fresh sashimi and wasabi (bring me to japan again is good too), a nice pair of killer shoes, more sneakers am eyeing them FP ones now, oh a nice watch mine decided to die so yeah, more boy clothes, that hat (size s) from FP I saw in Dubai gosh cannot find it anywhere else what a killjoy, I want my birthday cake from Paul Hevin someone fly to Paris please and bring me back an orange chocolate cake please or a dark chocolate macaron tower sounds even more fantastic, oh and how about finally paying for some plastic surgery or memory removal pills common be generous I'm such a nice person when I'm not emo hoho and I don't mind moolah, moolah's good. Moolah makes the world go round and brings a smile to your face. I've decided to buy me a present as well and I can't wait till I've money again having 20 dollars to my name now is damn pathetic. ):
Outrageous list aside, I don't want any celebration actually. So I'm a year older but definitely not wiser grrrrr. Ah wells, I just want to travel alone and yeah I think I'll stick to that actually. I shall conquer the world alone. Sick.

I give up.

2009-10-06T16:10:09Z

Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy but at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one constantly asks you what’s wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take “I don’t know” for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait. That's why I miss Tokyo so much. I miss the time wandering out alone. I miss being drowned in profound loneliness to numb the raw feelings in my heart. To mask everything. Just one day I yearn to wake up and forget every single memory from the past one year. Just once.

I had a dream.

2009-10-06T15:59:27Z

The last thing I want tonight: you.
You and me.
You, me, and an entire day
for us to spend together,
anyway we choose.

Love story.

2009-10-02T19:03:07Z

At the boarding gate a week ago.
Mum: You're crazy for going Tokyo alone.
Me: Mum, you're even crazier for letting me go.
Mum: Oh yeah.
ROFL!
Now that I'm back after a whirlwind trip which was much too short in my opinion, I didn't get to go Onsen with my friend urgh.
Nonetheless, I miss Tokyo already.
I love that place not to mention the expensive food.
Now that I'm terribly broke from the trip I shall avoid all my friends till I have some money to even go out and eat.
Or maybe I should just eat all the food I got them hahahaha!
):

This is.

2009-09-28T13:52:17Z

This is how it works: you're young until you're not, you love until you don't, you try until you can't, you laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh, and everyone must breathe until their dying breath.
-Regina Spektor

It's me sad that he gave up on me.

2009-09-15T08:33:08Z

She takes just like a woman. She makes love just like a woman. And she aches just like a woman. But she breaks just like a little girl.

Silence over.

2009-08-05T12:32:55Z

Sabbatical.

Smiley.

2009-08-03T17:35:57Z

"Would you like to purchase a bottle of happiness?"